i was running back to you
by ausllydawmoon
Summary: Or where they've been best friends since birth, but after a blowout fight over something stupid and months of the silent treatment, this might just be the end of them. Auslly. Two-shot (probably).
1. Chapter 1

As Ally looks around the party she's at, she does her best not to turn around and run right back out the front door. It's the annual senior back-to-school party at the beach house of some rich kid in their class; she can't just _skip _it. But that won't stop her from complaining about it the whole time.

"Trish, why did you make me come here?" she whines to her best friend as she's jostled around by the crowd gathered in the living room.

"Because you would've regretted not coming and you know it. C'mon, you just need some air. And look! There's Piper." Trish grabs Ally's wrist and drags her across the living room and out the massive glass doors to the patio.

"Hey guys!" Piper says with a grin when they approach her. "Took you long enough!"

"Ally needed more convincing than originally anticipated," Trish shouts over the loud music, bumping Ally's hip with her own for good measure.

Ally rolls her eyes, but she smiles and hugs Piper. "It's good to see you! I can't believe you actually transferred to Marino for senior year!"

"I know!" Piper replies when they pull away. "After I met you guys at work, I begged my parents to let me transfer and it worked! I just needed a fresh start, you know? Even if it is just for senior year—"

Ally sees an all too familiar head of blonde hair coming back to the patio from the beach, and her eyes go wide. "Trish," she says, feeling the panic seizing up her chest.

Trish looks around, and she seems to realize what's going on. "I see him," Trish says calmly. "Sorry, Pipes, we'll be right back."

Trish leads Ally to the fence around the patio on the opposite side of the stairs leading to the beach. Ally stands perfectly still, her heart pounding against her chest, until Trish finally speaks up.

"Have you really gotten away with not talking to him _all summer_?" she asks, forgoing her job keeping watch of the patio to look over at Ally.

"Yeah."

"What about your family vacation?"

"That was as soon as school got out, before…everything happened."

"Right, I remember now," Trish says. "Well, he's done talking to Piper and he went inside. Can we go back over there now?"

Ally nods, and she follows Trish back over to where Piper is still standing. "What was that all about?" Piper asks immediately, knitting her eyebrows together and tilting her head like a confused puppy. "Do you know that guy? He said his name was Austin Moon."

"Austin and Ally go _way _back," Trish says quickly. Ally sighs, relieved that Trish is doing the talking about him. "Their moms were college roommates and are still best friends, so Austin and Ally have been best friends since birth. Like, _best _best friends. Like, they took baths together when they were little and their families go on vacation together all the time best friends."

"Gotcha," Piper says. "Austin and Ally are best friends. So why didn't you stay to say hi?"

"Well…" Trish glances at Ally hesitantly. "Something happened over the summer, and they haven't spoken in months."

Piper frowns. "Oh. That's…sad. What happened?"

"Can we not talk about it anymore?" Ally says quickly.

"I'm sorry, Ally," Piper says genuinely. "Is that why you took a week off work back in June?"

Ally nods, and Piper sighs and gives her a hug. "That kind of thing sucks. I wish I had known so I could've been there for you more."

Ally smiles a little when they pull away. "Thanks, Piper. You're here now."

"He's dead to me," Piper says.

"No!" Ally exclaims, eyes wide. Then she swallows. "Please," she says more calmly. "If he wants to talk to you, don't ignore him because of me."

"Come on, Ally. He clearly hurt you," Piper says.

Before Ally can respond, she hears a familiar loud voice behind her, stumbles as someone runs into her back, and then immediately feels the drink that was spilled down her shirt.

"Oh, no, I'm so sor—"

The voice immediately cuts off when she turns around to meet the face she's been trying so hard to avoid. She feels her eyes go wide, even though she knew it was him, and her chest tightens.

Austin simply narrows his eyes at her slightly and continues walking past her.

As soon as he's off the patio and back on the beach, Ally lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding as she feels tears prick her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Ally," Trish says. "That all happened so quickly, I—"

"It's okay," Ally interrupts, trying to keep her voice even. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

Before her friends can say anything to stop her, she sprints inside and down the hall, desperately searching for the first empty room she can find. She opens a door at the end of the hall and slips into the bedroom behind it, immediately locking the door. She takes a deep breath and walks over to the bed, collapsing on it as she finally lets the tears fall from her eyes.

She buries her face in one of the pillows, only feeling slightly guilty about all the makeup stains she's going to leave, and cries as hard and as quietly as she can, trying to get this part over with quickly. She knew she'd have to see him again soon, but she thought she was a lot more prepared than this. She tries not to think of how pathetic she's being, sobbing alone in some stranger's bedroom after just _seeing _her former best friend, but she can't stop the self-loathing from bubbling up in her chest.

After about twenty minutes of crying, she feels herself drifting off to sleep, and she's so emotionally and physically exhausted that she doesn't even have the energy to stop herself, despite knowing that she's going to wake up feeling worse.

* * *

_ Here she is again, sitting on Austin's bed, reliving that last fight just like she has every night since it happened. You'd think she'd have gone through it enough times to be used to it by now, but she knows she's not. And even worse, she knows what's coming well enough to feel the sinking feeling in her chest before the fight even starts. _

_ She turns her head to watch him pacing back and forth across the length of his room, wringing his hands. "—and I can't let it slide any longer, Ally. It's getting ridiculous." _

_ "You still haven't told me what I did wrong," she says calmly. _

_ He stops pacing and looks at her, his hazel eyes swirling with an emotion she can't quite place. "You sabotaged my relationship with Kira," he tells her matter-of-factly. _

_ It takes her a full minute to process the absurd accusation. "I _what_?" she asks incredulously. _

_ "Stop acting all innocent. I know you did it. You said something to her, or something, and—"_

_ "What makes you think I did that? _Why _would I do that?" _

_ "She broke up with me completely out of the blue because of you!" _

_ "Because of me? I don't know what you're talking about," Ally says, searching her memories for any moment between her and Austin's ex that could have been interpreted as sabotaging their relationship. She comes up empty._

_ "Yes you do!" Ally winces at Austin's shout, and he clenches his jaw tightly._

_ Ally sits up straighter on his bed. "Austin, you refused to even tell me _why _she broke up with you. What makes you think I had anything to do with it?" she asks calmly. Getting answers out of him is difficult when he's emotional like this, and he's more frustrated right now than she's ever seen him. _

_ "I don't _think _you had something to do with it. I _know _you did. When Kira dumped me, she specifically said it was because of our_ _relationship." Austin gestures between them. "Tell me what you said to her." _

_ "Austin, I didn't say anything to her. I'm sorry she broke up with you because of that, but that doesn't sound like it's really my fault. You and I are close and we always have been. She knows that. It seems like it's her problem not being able to trust you and accept that." _

_ Austin shakes his head. "No, she was fine with it for months. Then something happened, something changed, _you _did something that made her break up with me. You sabotaged my relationship because you couldn't stand the idea of not being my first priority!"_

_ Ally knits her eyebrows together. "Austin, I swear I didn't do anything on purpose. If you want, I'll call her right now and explain that there's nothing between you and me." _

_ "No," Austin says firmly. "I'm past her—"_

_ "Already?" _

_ "I'm just sick of you doing this!" _

_ "Doing what?" Ally asks him._

_ "Sabotaging all my relationships!"_

_ "Austin, I'm not _doing _anything!"_

_ "Yes you are, Ally! You have these feelings for me, and you're driving girls away from me because of it!" _

_ Ally's heart pounds at the mention of her feelings for him. He's known for a while that she likes him, and he's definitely had feelings for her before (though somehow that little detail rarely comes up); they even almost dated once freshman year and then again at the beginning of junior year. Still, it always catches her off guard when he brings any of it up._

_ "Okay, Austin, I say this with love, but I'm gonna need you to get over yourself for a second. My feelings for you, whatever they may be, don't factor into this at all." _

_ "Your feelings for me are the whole reason this is happening! You may say you aren't sabotaging my relationships, but everyone can see you constantly flirting with me, and I know it kills you to not be the center of my attention. You make every possible girl I'm interested in think we're dating, and if you don't manage to drive them away with that, you make them feel threatened in their relationship with me!"_

_ Ally stands up from his bed, glaring at him as he stands with his fists clenched across the room. "Are you _hearing _yourself right now?!" she asks, finally getting fed up with these crazy accusations. "You're my best friend! I would never ruin your relationships or drive people away from you! And even if you weren't my best friend, you know that's not the kind of person I am!"_

_ "Well, maybe you're not doing it on purpose, but you're at least doing it subconsciously, and that's still just as bad." _

_ "Okay, well if I am, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was doing it," she says, putting her hands up apologetically. "I'll try to fix it."_

_ "You keep saying that, Ally. You say you'll get over me, and you don't. You say you'll stop sabotaging my relationships, consciously or subconsciously, and you don't. You say you'll stop talking shit about me to other people when you're mad at me, and you don't."_

_ "So you're bringing that into this too? I know I have a big mouth, and I'm sorry about saying that stuff because I know I shouldn't and _you _know I'm really working on that," she says. (They may have had similar conversations to this one a few times before). _

_ "I'm just sick of it, Ally," Austin says. "I'm sick of you having more control over my life than I do. I'm sick of having to walk on eggshells around you so I don't hurt your precious feelings and make you go running to your friends with all these horrible things to say about me. I'm sick of my relationships constantly failing because you don't know how to get over me or at the very least keep your feelings to yourself."_

_ She narrows her eyes at him. "Did you ever stop to think for a second that maybe _you're _the reason your relationships keep failing?"_

_ "That's not possible," he says immediately. "I'm not a perfect boyfriend, but I'm pretty damn close. You're the only other common denominator."_

_ Ally crosses her arms, ready to give up just like she always does because arguing with him is like arguing with a brick wall. "So, what?" she asks tiredly, closing her eyes for a few seconds and shaking her head in defeat before looking at him again. "What are you saying? What do you want me to do to fix it?" _

_ "I'm saying that I can't _take _you anymore, Ally. I'm done." _

_ Ally's heart drops again, but she's had this dream enough times to know it's almost over. "You're done? What does that mean?" _

_ She's forced to watch and listen helplessly as her best friend in the whole world delivers the final blow: "I'm done with _you_."_

* * *

She wakes up to her phone ringing next to her head. She sits up and wipes her eyes before answering it.

"Hello?" she asks.

"Ally!" comes Trish's voice from the other end. "Where the hell are you?! I've texted you like a million times!"

"I'm sorry, Trish," Ally says. "I was so overwhelmed after running into Austin, I ended up falling asleep."

"You said you were just going to the bathroom. We've been looking for you for over an hour! We were worried sick!"

"I'm really, really sorry," Ally says again. "I'm just in a back bedroom. Where are you guys?"

"In the living room," Trish replies. "But I'm ready to go home. Do you wanna just meet out front and I'll call the Uber?"

"Is Piper coming?" Ally asks.

"Nah, she's gonna stay a little longer. She's making other friends and stuff, you know?"

"Yeah. I'll meet you out front, Trish. Sorry again." Ally hangs up the phone and stands up. She looks at herself in the mirrored closet doors and does her best to fix her ruined makeup so it doesn't look like she's been crying.

When she finally gets in the Uber with Trish, Trish doesn't even ask her if she's okay. (Although, in all fairness, it isn't that hard to tell that she's not okay.)

"So what _did _happen between you and Austin over the summer?" she asks. "You never told me exactly what this big falling out was about."

Ally has to take a few beats to remind herself that she can't say anything to Trish. As much as she wants to spill how ridiculous Austin was acting, how unwarranted his anger at her is, how much he hurt her, she knows she can't. That's one of the things that got her into this mess in the first place. Plus, she knows Trish would march right up to him and chew him out for being such an idiot (and rightfully so), but that won't help her case.

"It doesn't matter what it was about," Ally says, sighing tiredly. "And please don't go asking him. Can we just forget about it?"

"Sure. But that might be a little difficult considering the fact that you have a panic attack every time you see him."

"I'm working on that," Ally says.

"Well, whatever happened, I'm sure he'll come around and you guys will be fine," Trish says. "I know I keep saying that, but it's true. I don't think anything could break the two of you up forever."

"We'll see," Ally mutters.

Just then, Ally's phone lights up with a text. She looks down and sees a name she hasn't seen in months.

_Austin: Did you really shit talk me to a girl who doesn't even know me? _

Trish looks at Ally's phone and rests a hand on Ally's shoulder. "The first time he talks to you in months, and that's what he says? He's being a dick, Ally. You don't have to respond."

Ally sighs, closing her eyes for a few seconds and biting back her tears before opening them again. "Yes, I do." Then she types, _No, _and sends it before she adds some stupid, sappy paragraph about missing him.

He doesn't respond, which she takes to mean that he doesn't believe her. Not that she thought he would.

"What an asshat," Trish says when it becomes clear that he isn't going to text her back. "You deserve better. If he's gonna treat you like this, maybe it's good you two aren't friends anymore. He's showing his true colors."

Ally doesn't say anything, mostly because the Uber stops in front of her house right at that moment. She mutters a quick goodbye, gives Trish a tight hug, and walks inside. She takes off her shoes and makeup and immediately collapses on her bed, too exhausted to do much else.

* * *

When school starts up again, the whispers start almost immediately. Austin is the golden boy of their class, so of course everyone knows who he is. And, since she's been his best friend since they were born, everyone knows who she is by extension. So when the two of them sit on opposite ends of the room first hour, she hears people asking each other what the deal is before class is even over. Then she gets bombarded with texts from people asking what's up with her and Austin; she deletes them all immediately. Come lunch time, it's getting kind of ridiculous.

"I heard he got her pregnant over the summer and she got it aborted, but even the thought of being parents together was enough to make them avoid each other forever," she hears someone say as she looks around the cafeteria for where Trish and Piper are sitting.

"Nah, Ally Dawson is way too much of a prude to have sex with him," someone responds.

"He _was _her best friend, though," the first voice points out.

"Whatever happened, not anymore."

Ally rushes out of the cafeteria before she has to listen to any more speculation about her and Austin. He must've gotten the same idea, because she sees him sitting alone against the wall across the courtyard, eating a bag of chips. She doesn't make eye contact, instead moving to sit under a tree with her back to him. Her appetite has disappeared, though, so she just leans her head back against the tree and closes her eyes, wishing for about the millionth time that her fight with Austin never happened.

After a few minutes, she feels his eyes on her. She turns around and catches him looking away right as she does so. She swallows and turns back, feeling like an idiot. What are they, third graders?

Just then, Trish and Piper walk over and sit down across from her on the ground.

"You could've texted us, you know," Trish says. "Too much in there?" she asks knowingly.

Ally nods. "I know he's all popular and everyone wants to know what's up with him, but I don't understand why I have to be brought into it."

"Because, Ally," Trish says with a sigh. "Regardless of what happened between you two, in everyone's eyes you're still a package deal."

"If it makes you feel any better, me and Trish told everyone we heard talking about it to mind their own business," Piper offers.

Ally smiles a little at that. "Thanks, guys. Sorry I'm being so weird."

"Hey, losing a best friend is tough," Trish says.

Ally nods. "That's an understatement."

"Maybe this time apart will help you move on from him," Trish adds. "When you get over your feelings for him, this'll probably get a lot easier."

"I hope so," Ally says.

"You like him?" Piper asks.

"Unfortunately," Ally replies.

"Well, he's a dumbass for dropping someone as wonderful as you, Ally," Piper tells her with a firm nod.

"Thanks, Piper."

They continue on like that for the next couple of months, ignoring the now less frequent whispers, avoiding the cafeteria and eating outside, and keeping Ally as far away from Austin as possible. Austin returns to eating in the cafeteria about a week into September, so the girls get the courtyard to themselves after that.

"Eating outside is so nice," Trish says one Friday. "I'm actually really glad we started doing this."

"Me too," Piper says. "So, do you guys have any fall break plans for next week?"

"I'm touring a couple colleges," Trish says. "You?"

"I'm just gonna re-lax," Piper says, distinctly separating the syllables. "Catch up on shows, hang out with my family, maybe get ahead on homework if I feel a burst of motivation."

Trish snorts. "I'd like to see that happen. What about you, Ally?"

"I'm going on sort of a stay-cation with my family at a beach house. One last beach trip before winter, you know? So I'll be on the beach all day every day," Ally responds.

"Ooh, that sounds nice," Trish says. "Is the house pretty?"

"Uh, not really. It's kinda old, but it's not gross or anything. Just a little ugly."

"Sounds like how someone's gonna describe me when I'm a grandma," Piper jokes. "Kinda old, but not gross. Just a little ugly."

The three of them laugh and Ally rolls her eyes.

"Shut up, Piper, you're not ugly," Ally says.

"I know!" Piper says with a smile. "But the joke was right there."

"Fair enough."

What Ally _doesn't _tell them is that the Moons are accompanying the Dawsons on their beach trip, like they usually do. Ally tried to get out of it, but her mom wouldn't have it.

"We've been vacationing with them since before you and Austin were born," she had said. "I don't know what happened between you and him, but maybe being stuck with him in a beach house will help you guys fix it!"

"Unless Mimi doesn't make him go," Ally had suggested.

"That won't happen. C'mon, Ally, I know you miss him. Don't you want to fix it?"

Well, of course Ally _wants _to fix things with Austin. She also wants to be able to eat as many pickles as she wants without getting sick. Doesn't mean she can.

When it comes time to pack up the car and drive to the house, Ally's just thankful that they aren't driving together. Being stuck shoved in the very back of Mimi's minivan with Austin would have been her nightmare.

Still, she's stuck alone with her thoughts, which isn't much better (despite the extra legroom). She wonders if the house is three-bedroom or four-bedroom. If she and Austin have to share a room, that won't help things at all. But their parents wouldn't do that to them, knowing that they've been in a fight for months, right? It's bad enough they even have to go in the first place.

Ally imagines Austin in the car in front of them, slumped with his head against the window, fast asleep. She wonders if he relives that fight in his dreams too, or if he even thinks about it anymore. (Of course he thinks about it, she tells herself. If he didn't, he wouldn't still be mad at you.)

Mostly, she worries that being trapped with no one but each other and their parents for a week will make things even worse. She isn't sure exactly _how _things could get worse, but she pictures an apocalyptic scenario where the two of them are screaming at each other from opposite sides of the living room while their mothers try to calm them down and their fathers watch in horror. It's such a chaotic, overdramatic fantasy that she almost laughs, if a small part of her wasn't worried it might actually happen.

When they finally arrive at the house, Austin is out of the car and bringing his luggage inside before Ally's family even parks. She bites her lip nervously, knowing that her first interaction with him longer than five seconds is mere minutes away. But then she takes a deep breath and tries to play it cool, getting out of the car and helping her parents unload the luggage.

Mimi and Ally's mom immediately start chatting up a storm, as the two best friends always do when they're together. Then Austin's father walks over and takes Ally's bag from her.

"Thanks, Mike, but I got it—"

"No worries!" Mike exclaims. "I'll just take it up the stairs to the house for you. It's the least I can do after not seeing you for, what, five months? Gimme a hug!"

Ally smiles a little and complies. "Yeah, it's been about five months. Way too long. I missed your pies!"

"Don't worry, I brought enough ingredients to open a bakery on this trip. You'll be sick of pie by the time we go home," Mike promises.

Ally laughs and follows Mike and her father up the stairs to the house. Before she can go find her room, Mimi rushes over to her from where she was unloading snacks in the kitchen.

"Ally, honey, I missed you!" Mimi squeezes her in a tight, motherly hug for a few suffocating but nice moments before pulling away and taking Ally's face in her hands. She turns Ally's head every which way, examining her face intently.

"I promise, my face is still the same it's always been," Ally tells Mimi in between giggles.

"I was just checking," Mimi says with a smile, letting go of her face and instead grabbing your shoulders. "It's been _way _too long. Now, I don't know what's wrong between you and Austin, but you two better get over it quickly or this trip is gonna be a real downer, understand?"

"The trip won't be a downer," Ally says with a nod, attempting to evade Mimi's actual request. She apparently succeeds, because Mimi drops the subject.

"Good. Your room is the one at the end of the hall, dear." Mimi points Ally in the right direction, and Ally nods and walks in the room.

She's met with Austin's back, his suitcase next to him, as he stares at the one bed in the room with his arms crossed. Ally's heartbeat triples in speed, and her mind comes up completely blank when she tries to think of something to say. How does she even approach this? Does she start with an apology? A joke? Does she pretend their fight never happened? Does she point out the obvious problem of the one bed in their shared room?

Before she can say anything, Austin speaks up without turning around. "My mom said there were two beds when they booked the house. The people who stayed here before us threw some crazy party and destroyed the other bed, and the landlady didn't replace it before we came."

Ally opens her mouth, then closes it again. Those two sentences were more words than he's said to her in the past five months combined. She glances at the other side of the room and sees the big empty space where the other bed should be. She swallows nervously.

"I, um, I can sleep on the floor, or the couch—"

"Don't be ridiculous," Austin interrupts. Then he mutters, "I'm taking the side by the window."

To make it official, he heaves his suitcase onto the bed and starts unpacking in the dresser on the side he just claimed. Ally looks away from him and starts unpacking in her own dresser on the opposite side of the room, trying to take deep breaths to calm her heart rate without him noticing. Either she's successful or he doesn't care, because he doesn't say anything else until they're done unpacking their luggage and helping their parents unpack in the kitchen.

"This is ridiculous," Austin says to his dad, his voice strained under the weight of the cooler he's carrying into the house. "You guys brought enough food to feed an army for a month. We only need to feed six people for a week."

"Most of it is ingredients for us to cook dinner every night," Mike says as he and Austin unpack the contents of the cooler into the fridge and freezer. "We didn't wanna have to make any trips to the grocery store once we got here."

Ally silently empties cardboard boxes of food into the pantry, praying that nobody tries to bring her and Austin into the same conversation. She lucks out while they're still unpacking, but as soon as everything is put away and the two families are taking a break in the living room, the inevitable comes back to bite her.

"So, Austin, Ally, what are you two planning on doing all week?" Ally's mom asks, looking between the two of them. _Besides avoiding each other? _Ally clarifies in her mind.

"I brought a few books, so I'll probably spend a lot of time reading on the beach," Ally says awkwardly after hesitating for a full thirty seconds in silence. "Maybe surf a little, too, if the water's not too cold."

"What about you, Austin?" Ally's mom asks.

"Try to tan, probably surf, sleep a _lot_," Austin replies, giving Ally's mom a genuine smile. Ally's heart hurts looking at it; she realizes she hasn't seen him smile since their vacation at the very beginning of summer.

"Yep, that sounds about right," Ally's father jokes. Austin laughs a little, but then another uncomfortable silence falls over the room.

"Well, I believe Lester and I are on cooking duty for tonight," Ally's mom says, standing up and offering her husband a hand. He takes it and together they walk into the kitchen.

After an uncomfortable hour-long conversation in which both Austin and Ally talk to Austin's parents but not each other, they all sit down for an uncomfortable dinner. The parents talk just fine, but the tension in the room is still thick enough to sour the taste of the food.

Ally eats her dinner as slowly as possible, but she can't stop herself from inhaling a piece and a half of Mike's pumpkin pie for dessert in less than five minutes. Then she takes her time showering, brushing her teeth, and getting ready for bed, but ultimately the inevitable time comes when she has to actually go to sleep.

Austin's already laying with the lights out and his back to her side of the bed, so she crawls in next to him as quietly as possible. If she wakes him, she's pretty sure he'll just shove her off the bed and onto the floor, and she's already having a hard enough time on this trip without worrying about sleeping on the floor.

She lays on her back with her hands folded on her stomach, staring up at the ceiling. They aren't touching, but she can sense Austin's every move beside her: she feels the way the mattress rises and falls slightly as he breathes, feels him tug the covers over himself more, feels him shift as he stretches his legs out. Then she feels him turn, and when his arm brushes against hers she realizes he must be on his back too. He takes a deep breath in and then holds it for a few seconds before exhaling heavily. Maybe he wasn't asleep after all.

"I asked Piper, and she told me what you said," Austin says in a half-whisper after a few minutes. "About how you didn't want her to not talk to me because of you."

Ally swallows, unsure how to respond. Then, hesitantly, she says quietly, "You sound surprised."

"I am."

"I told you, I would never intentionally make girls not wanna talk to you."

"I didn't think you would ever outright tell other girls _to _talk to me, though," Austin admits.

Ally turns on her side to look at him, but he doesn't move. "I don't know why. I've been your wingman plenty of times before."

"Yeah, well, things change." Finally, he turns on his side to face her too, their faces inches apart as they stare at each other in the darkness. "Especially after everything that happened…you had the perfect opportunity to talk shit about me, but apparently you didn't."

"Of course not. You're my best friend."

"I'm trying to say thank you," Austin says.

"And I'm trying to say you don't have to thank me," Ally replies.

Austin inhales like he's about to say something else, but then he exhales, deciding against it. He rolls back over on his other side, and Ally stares at his back for a few moments before closing her eyes, feeling more relaxed than she has in a while. Clearly, they're still far from okay, but this is progress.

For the first time in five months, their fight doesn't haunt her dreams.

* * *

**this was meant to be a one-shot but it was getting super long so i split it. it'll probs be a two-shot, definitely no more than three. i wrote this bc me n my best friend are in a fight and i wanna be able to control the ending bc i don't think it's gonna end well for us despite every college au and enemies to friends to lovers trope saying otherwise lmao **

**anyway it's summer and i'm lonely and sad so that means i'll be writing a lot more! maybe even on different platforms! yay! :) anyway thanks for reading fellas i hope u have a wonderful day/night/week/year/life i luv u**


	2. Chapter 2

One thing Ally definitely forgot in the months she spent without talking to Austin: he is a secret cuddler. He hasn't really spoken directly to her since that first night of the trip, but all three mornings so far she's woken up wrapped in his arms like a human-sized teddy bear. Which actually makes sense, considering he seems to have left his actual teddy bear at home for this trip. But as nice as it is being his little spoon, it really isn't helping her feel any better about their fight and it certainly isn't making getting over her feelings for him any easier.

Still, pretending to be asleep until he wakes up and inevitably releases her never hurt anybody. So she just closes her eyes again and tries to enjoy every moment she can while also trying not to think about how they're still in the biggest fight of their lives.

After a few minutes, she hears him inhale sharply and feels his whole body tense up. She tries not to be disappointed as she waits for him to slowly let go of her and move back to his side of the bed, but that moment doesn't come. He rests a hand on her waist and sits up a little, and she can feel him looking at her. She tries to keep her breathing even and doesn't dare open her eyes, but she can imagine the confused look on his face as he wonders how they've ended up like this three mornings in a row.

But instead of letting go of her now, he just wraps his arm around her again and lays back down, burying his nose in her hair. She swallows, feeling him trying to even out his breathing. This has to mean something. In the moment Austin decided to pretend to be asleep instead of letting go of her, their position transitioned from accidental and instinctive to deliberate and conscious.

"I know you're awake," he mumbles into her hair after a while, stretching his legs out. She freezes. How did he figure her out? "You snore when you're actually asleep," he adds, as if reading her mind.

"Well, now I know you're awake too," she says quietly, not moving or opening her eyes.

"That was the point." He takes a deep breath and rests his hand on her waist for a second before rolling onto his back, his other arm still stuck under her.

He doesn't say anything else, so she sighs and sits up. She looks down at him, and he watches her with unreadable eyes.

"I'm lost, Austin," she says. "I don't know what you want from me."

"I don't want anything from you," he tells her.

"Well, you're talking to me again. That's something."

"I guess."

"You kept cuddling me when you woke up. That was a choice you made."

He presses his lips together and sits up, staring at his hands fiddling in his lap. "You didn't pull away from me either."

"I'm not the one who's mad."

"I'm not—" Austin cuts himself off and sighs in frustration. "Whatever."

Then, without a word, he grabs his swimsuit and heads into the bathroom, shutting the door hard enough to make Ally flinch.

He doesn't talk to her for the rest of the day, but their parents don't seem to pick up on the fact that they're completely avoiding each other. In the past couple days, they've been interacting more for their parents' sake, but Austin seems to completely give up on that today. First, he's surfing while she eats breakfast with everyone else. Then when she's reading on the beach, he decides to go inside the house and eat something. When he comes outside to tan, just the look in his eyes is enough to give her the sudden urge to go surfing—or do anything else to put more distance between them.

They continue like this the next day, too. But somehow, she still wakes up in his arms in the morning. Except now she's the one to move out of his grip; she can't let her mind wander off to a world where everything is fine when she knows she'll just come crashing back down to reality as soon as Austin wakes up. But she doesn't miss the way his arms keep reaching out to her for a split second after she moves away before Austin seems to regain conscious control of his body.

It isn't until Thursday, when it rains, that they really even look at each other aside from those few stolen moments each morning. But the rain means everyone is stuck inside the house all day, watching movies, playing board games, napping, reading, talking.

Ally paces in their room after breakfast, already antsy. It's gonna be a _long _day. She's itching for sunlight, sand between her toes, the chill of the ocean as she paddles out on her surfboard—something, _anything_, that gets her out of this house. But the rain chases any hope of that from her mind.

Austin walks in as her hands start to fidget with themselves. She doesn't look at him, focused on whatever's in front of her as she walks the length of the room over and over again. She tries to will the rain away, but apparently she can't control the weather.

"Can you cut it out?" Austin snaps, the first words he's said to her in days.

"No."

She notes an exaggerated roll of Austin's eyes as he collapses on the bed. "Why are you so _annoying_?" he asks the ceiling, glaring daggers at it.

The ceiling doesn't answer him, but she does. "I was minding my own business until you walked in here. You're free to leave."

"Our parents are on a double date in the living room," he says, disgust in his voice. "It's all cuddling on the couch and kissing and romcoms, like teenagers."

"That's not my fault," Ally says.

"Whatever."

Finally, she stops pacing and looks at him, narrowing her eyes. "Why do you keep blaming me for all your problems?" she asks.

He keeps staring at the ceiling, his arms spread out on either side of him. "I don't."

"Yes, you do. You blame me for Kira dumping you. You blame me for other girls not wanting to go out with you. You blame me for every rumor that spreads about you. You blame me for being confused at all the mixed signals you keep giving me. And now you blame me for, what, our parents acting like teenagers on a double date?"

Austin stands up, faster than a strike of lightning, his face close to hers but with anger burning in his eyes. "It _is _your fault!" he exclaims. "You ruin everything for me!"

She clenches her jaw, glaring up at him. She would've rolled her eyes a year ago, and said he should take a break and come talk to her when he's ready to stop being so dramatic. Those words would've hurt a few months ago, because she would've actually believed them and felt genuinely sorry about it. But now, she can only react with narrowed eyes and clenched fists at her sides; now, she knows better. She knows he's not being dramatic, that he really does feel like she ruins everything for him, but she also knows that she's a good friend to him. Maybe not in the past few months, but these are extenuating circumstances. Eighteen years make up for a few off months.

"I'm sorry," she tells him, but there's no sincerity in her voice. She's apologized too many times now, for things she isn't really sure even warrant an apology.

"You don't mean it."

"Would it matter if I did?"

He rolls his eyes but doesn't seem to have an answer. "Screw you, Ally," is all he says. He starts walking out of the room, but she stands her ground, watching him, seeing red.

"Screw _you_, Austin," she spits back. "Kira didn't dump you because of me. She dumped you because you're a dick."

He spins on his heel and marches back over to her, his fists clenched at his sides now. He leans in so close their noses almost touch. "You _wish _you were her," Austin seethes.

Ally scoffs and shoves him in the chest, backing him up a few steps. He's still sizing her up, as if he's expecting this to actually turn into a physical brawl. "_You _wish I was her," she fires back.

"That doesn't even make sense, dumbass!"

Ally narrows her eyes again, feeling puzzle pieces click into place in her mind. "No, it makes perfect sense," she says. She steps closer to him, feeling the higher ground starting to form beneath her feet. "That's why you keep saying I ruin everything for you. That's why you blame me for all of this, especially your failed relationships." She pokes him in the chest, and he takes a step back. His eyes are still angry, but there's something else in there too, almost nervous. "Because I'm the _reason _for your failed relationships, but really it's _your _fault." She pokes his chest again and takes another step closer. He backs into the wall, cornered, glaring down at her angrily as he tries to maintain a cold exterior but a fire rages within. She looks up at him, every muscle in her body tense, only feeling anger now that she's realizing what he's done, how he's twisted his mind to convince himself that she's at fault for problems that are his and his alone.

"_Your _feelings for _me _are the problem," she says, "not the other way around. Girls don't reject you because they think we're dating, they reject you because they can tell that you wish we were. Kira didn't dump you because _I_ was a threat to her, she dumped you because she realized that _you_ were only dating her to distract yourself from your feelings for _me_.

"You think I'm ruining your life because you hate feelings, and your feelings for me are getting in your way a lot more than you'd like. They're stronger than you'll admit, even to yourself, and you're frustrated that for the first time, you don't have control over your emotions even in the slightest." She watches him, and though she knows he will never, ever admit it, she's struck home. He still keeps the cold, almost indifferent, façade, but his eyes are a little wider than normal, and she sees the anger and fear and, strangely, arousal, in his swirling irises and dilated pupils. "And you're _scared_," she realizes, "that someone else has such an impact on you."

"That's a load of horse shit and you know it," he mutters through gritted teeth. But she knows better. "You _want _all that to be true, but you need to get over yourself."

Finally, he shoves her away from him, and she stumbles backwards. Despite what he says, she knows what she sees in his eyes. She knows this boy better than anyone; she knows him better than she knows herself. And she knows her words are echoing in his mind right now, haunting him as he either realizes she's right or realizes he's been found out. Maybe both at once.

* * *

For the rest of the trip, Austin all but pretends she doesn't exist. She still wakes up in his arms in the morning, but as soon as he wakes up he pushes her away in frustration. He even shoves a pillow between them in an attempt to stop himself from pulling her into him in his sleep, but it doesn't do much to help. Ally tries not to feel satisfaction knowing she hit the nail on the head with her suspicions, but she feels it all the same.

When they get back to school, Austin continues acting like she doesn't exist, except now it's more public, more dramatic, more desperate on his part. He's trying to prove that he doesn't care about her, but the fact that he's even putting this much effort into proving her wrong just shows how right she is. It's almost funny, how well she can see through him, and how firmly he seems to believe he'll be able to convince her otherwise.

Whether he's hooking up with every willing girl he can find or outright refusing to even look at her in the hallway, he is putting _way _too much energy into trying to get her to believe his lie. _Or maybe_, she thinks, _he's trying to convince himself._

That realization truly sets in when she finds herself on the couch at a Halloween party, at the same beach house the back-to-school party was at a few months ago. A familiar, albeit stumbling, figure plops down next to her, sandwiching her between his body and the arm of the couch. The smell of alcohol clings to him, and his bloodshot eyes are unfocused. Still, he drapes an arm over the back of the couch behind her and leans toward her, so close their noses almost touch.

"Ally," he mutters, searching her eyes. It's the first time he's talked to her since their argument over fall break. "I miss you."

She sighs and rests a gentle hand on his chest, pushing him away from her. "I know," she replies.

He scrunches his eyebrows and tilts his head, looking like a confused puppy. "You do?"

"Of course I do."

"Oh."

She watches him for a few moments as he leans back against the couch, staring down at his lap and trying to process her words in his intoxicated brain. But she knows he won't even remember this conversation in the morning.

"Can I take you home?" she asks him.

He looks over at her, taking a couple seconds to respond. But eventually, he nods slowly. So she stands up and walks outside to her car, knowing he'll follow. While she sits in the driver's seat and waits for Austin to meet her, she sends Trish and Piper a quick text explaining what's going on and apologizing. Barely a minute passes before Trish responds and says they're both just going to sleep here tonight.

Finally, Austin climbs into Ally's car. He buckles his seatbelt and stares straight ahead, his shoulders slumping.

As Ally starts driving, Austin speaks up. "You're right," he tells her. Even in his drunken state, the words seem hard for him to force out. "Everything you said before…you're right. But you know that."

She feels his eyes on her, feels the heat rise to her cheeks as he finally admits what she knew all along, but she focuses on the road in front of her. "Yeah, I do know," she says quietly.

"I am scared," he continues. "You're…_real_. And that's scary. Kira wasn't real. Other girls weren't real. But you are. I don't like it."

Ally doesn't speak for a while, trying to decipher his drunken words and figure out what he actually means. _His feelings_.

"Why don't you like it?" she asks, trying not to be hurt.

"I don't like real feelings, you know that. I hate not being in control. With you, I'm not in control." He leans his head against the window, and she presses her lips together in a tight line.

"So you decided that the only way to feel like you have control is to blame all your problems on me?"

"I'm not good at blaming things on myself," he admits. "But it's not your fault."

"You know how I feel about you," she says slowly. "So why are you pushing me away if you feel the same?"

He doesn't answer for a while. "Because I can't screw up if we never try in the first place. And if I don't keep pushing you away…" She glances over at him as he trails off, and sees him frowning. "I thought keeping you far away would hurt less than having you close but not close enough," he says.

"And?"

"It all hurts."

She pulls into his driveway and turns her car off, looking over at him. He turns his head to meet her gaze. His entire body sags under the weight of his mistakes, his exhaustion, and way too much alcohol.

Wordlessly, she gets out of the car and helps him inside his house. He pulls his shirt over his head as he follows her through the living room and upstairs to his bedroom. She turns on the light in his room and he squints, but he obeys her silent command to get in bed. She grabs his teddy bear out of its hiding place under his bed and tries to give it to him, but he shakes his head and pushes it back into her hands.

"You stay," he tells her, blinking slowly.

She knits her eyebrows together in confusion. "What?"

He moves over to make room for her on the bed. "Stay with me."

"Austin, you can't just change your mind on a whim and decide you're done being a jerk to me."

He frowns a little, and she knows she's going to give in. Still, she does her best to stand her ground. "Please?" he asks.

She purses her lips and sighs, kicking off her shoes and crawling in next to him before turning off the light. She watches him close his eyes in the darkness, feels him drape an arm over her and then relax his entire body when she scoots a little closer. _You're an idiot, _she thinks to herself. _But so is he._

When she wakes up, she's pressed against his side, her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. He's on his back, one arm around her while his other hand rests on top of hers. She notices that his eyes are open, and he's staring at the ceiling, blinking every few seconds but clearly lost in thought.

"Morning," he says quietly, catching her off guard. But he doesn't move, and his tone is gentle, void of any anger or regret or bitterness or any other negative emotion she's used to hearing when he speaks to her.

She sighs, closing her eyes again, expecting the worst to come as soon as they start talking. "Morning," she whispers.

"Wanna fill me in?" His thumb traces light circles on her wrist, and it's too distracting. She wonders why he doesn't have a killer hangover and silently curses whatever that reason may be.

"You…said you missed me," she says, trying her best to focus on their conversation and not his hand on hers. "You said I was right about everything and begged me to stay."

"So you did." He doesn't deny any of it, or try to take it back. She swallows at his too-calm, too-gentle voice, and shivers at the thought of this silent confession. His grip around her tightens.

"Guess I wanted to see if you agreed when you were sober," she says, tilting her head up to look at him. He glances down at her before staring at the ceiling again, still trailing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Ally…," he starts. He takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly beneath her hand. Then he shakes his head, squeezing her hand. "You know me too well for your own good, you know that?"

"You know me too well, too."

He squeezes his eyes shut. "I can't…I can't be best friends with you, Ally."

Her heart drops and her face falls. She pulls her hand out of his and sits up, looking down at him in hurt surprise. "What?"

He sits up too, looking at her desperately, trying to make her understand what he seems to be failing to communicate. "Having you _so close_ but not…" He links his fingers together to communicate the end of the idea, unable to find the right words. "It's killing me." Now that he's started, the words he _can _find come tumbling out. "I've been distracting myself with other girls, trying to push away you and the feelings, but…" He shrugs helplessly.

"So you blame me for that pain," she says slowly. They had this exact conversation last night. Somehow, he was better at it then.

"I thought maybe if I blamed you, it would help."

"Did it?"

He shakes his head. "I just _miss _you, Ally."

"But you can't be best friends with me."

He meets her eyes, and she wishes he would just _say _how he feels instead of talking in so many circles. If he would just swallow his pride, this would be so much easier.

"I can't lose you," he says quietly. "And…and if I push you away, if I control it, then I won't be losing you."

"It won't hurt any less."

He stares down at his lap. "I know how you feel about me, Ally. And I know…" He swallows. "I know how _I _feel about _you_. I know it's _real_. And it isn't like those other times we tried before. I'm not just desperate for a girlfriend or anything. I actually _want _this, and I want it to last. And I know it's possible…and it's killing me," he says again.

"So you respond by trying to hate me and not speaking to me for months instead of just telling me all this? You had to have known I would figure it out anyway."

"I didn't care if you knew. I didn't want to admit it to myself."

"And now that you have?"

He lifts his head to meet her eyes. "I'm…scared." And she can tell. His eyes are the size of saucers.

"Well, there's not much I can do about that," she says, getting up off his bed. He watches her. "And I'm not even sure if I've forgiven you yet for everything you've put me through these past six months just because you didn't want to admit your feelings." _Yet_. Because she knows she'll forgive him eventually. He's her best friend. "But still, I'd really like to have my best friend back, if you're done acting like a dick."

He smiles just slightly, barely even noticeable by anyone who doesn't know him as well as she does. "You're calling my bluff."

"I'm not gonna sit here and let you spit that 'I can't be best friends with you' bullshit. It's a cop-out. So when you're ready to deal with your feelings like a grownup instead of hiding, let me know." With that, she walks out of the room.

* * *

It takes him all of two days to decide enough is enough. When he walks over to her, Trish, and Piper at lunch on Monday, she can tell by the look in his eyes that this is important.

"What do you want?" Trish asks as he stands over them.

"It's okay, Trish," Ally says, standing up and meeting Austin's eyes. His stare is almost suffocating.

She feels Trish and Piper watching them as they walk across the courtyard for a little privacy. But she doesn't really care.

"I can't be in control of everything," he says when they stop walking. He looks in her eyes again. "I know that. I don't like it, but I know it. And you're my best friend. I trust you more than anyone to be in control of things I can't be. Like my feelings." He swallows, and she watches him. _Go on. _"And that's really what being with someone and loving someone is all about, right? Trusting them with your heart or whatever. Giving them control. Willingly." He takes a deep breath. "Ally, I'm giving you control."

She smiles a little. It's not the most romantic speech in the world, but it's very_ him_. And the nervous look in his eyes is cute; the best friend she knows and loves is returning to her before her eyes.

"Even if you just wanna stay best friends. Because that's what friendship is about too," he says quickly, stumbling over his words a little. Then he cringes, looking at her sheepishly. "How am I doing?"

She laughs a little and gives him an encouraging nod. "I'm proud of you," she tells him. "Thank you."

He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "I miss you, Ally," he tells her, meeting her eyes seriously. "And I'm sorry for everything."

She feels herself relax for the first time in six months. "I miss you, too. And I forgive you."

He chews on his lower lip, and she raises her eyebrows at him. She's gonna make him say it whether he likes it or now.

"You're gonna make this as hard for me as possible, aren't you?" he asks knowingly.

"I wouldn't be your best friend if I didn't," she replies with a nod.

He exhales. "Fair enough." Then he squares his shoulders. "Ally…can we try this? Us?"

She smiles a little, letting herself enjoy this. "I'm not sure what you mean."

He rolls his eyes, but he can't keep a tiny smile off his face. "Will you. Go out. With me," he says slowly, looking in her eyes, trying to show her he isn't freaking out on the inside.

She responds by kissing him. He seems to take that as a yes.

* * *

**sorry if this was disappointing i don't love it but oh well **


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